Scott Says

His Year in Review for 2007. Just because it’s longer, funnier, and more insightful than my Semester in Review doesn’t make it better.

Cashier: “You’ve got a thirty percent off sticker on your jacket.”

Me (trying to act suave): “It’s only supposed to be ten percent.”

Over the next few weeks, the overhaul of this site will complete. It will be easier than ever to find the columns and articles you are looking for, as well and quicker access to my blog and all-new podcast versions of my humor columns. If you are looking for the list of my writings from the old site, try this link.

Did anything important happen on campus this semester?  How many people even noticed the school switched from Coke to Pepsi?  What’s the deal with the falling squirrel?

 

 Scott Green's semester in review: Fall 2007 [4:25m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (50)

Why is the Illini’s trip to the Rose Bowl so incredible?  How did they get there?  Why couldn’t they get a dead guy to coach the team?

 

 After six long years, Fighting Illini football team is unbelieva-bowl [3:51m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (31)

Fall 2007 was a busy semester at the University of Illinois; a lot of very important and historical things happened. If, like me, you didn’t care about those important and historical things, you probably have no idea what they were. So I went out and did the minimum amount of research I felt I could get away with, and now present my month-by-month recap.

August

The University’s vending contract is switched from Coke to Pepsi, which causes the shocked and disappointed student body to not know the difference.

(more…)

On Jan. 1, the Fighting Illini will take on USC in the Rose Bowl.

Wait, let me say that again. The Illini are going to the Rose Bowl.

The Illini are going to the Rose Bowl.

I’ve been a student here since 2002. I gave up hope after the team went 13-45 between then and last season. It was never going to happen for Illini football, I feared. The basketball team’s perennial appearance in March Madness was going to have to sate my thirst for college athletics. (more…)

What’s the secret to efficient studying?  In what ways do studying for undergrad finals and law school finals differ?  When is the best time to take a mid-study nap?

 

 The patented five minute study plan [4:00m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (30)

What advantages are there to studying for finals in a fraternity?  What’s the Greek system up to in the hours before a final?  Can drinking improve your grades?

 

 A fraternity studying rampage [2:11m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (30)

After four long months of classes, we’ve arrived at the one time each semester when students fixate on that single, elusive goal: cleaning our apartments. We clean because the alternative is studying for finals, which is, of course, what we should be doing. If the school required us to clean twice a year, we’d probably procrastinate by studying for finals. But we’re supposed to study, and so we clean.

The only people who actually study sufficiently are the good students. Good students are all a bunch of jerks, and I do not mind saying so in print, mainly because good students will never read this. They are busy studying, not reading some juvenile column in a supplemental issue of a college newspaper. This is what makes them good students in the first place. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Do not stop reading this newspaper.) (more…)