Scott Says

I’m a helpful guy. For example, if you ever need assistance with moving furniture, I will helpfully come up with an excuse for why I can’t, an excuse you can later use when someone asks you to move furniture.

It was in this spirit that I decided to help my mother start an account on Facebook, the Web site that allows potential employers to see pictures of you drinking a 40-ounce malted beverage in your underwear. Facebook has become an institution for college students, but older people have been slower to adapt. I wanted to know if parents could actually thrive on Facebook, in the same way Jane Goodall wanted to know if gorillas could finger-paint. (more…)

Can parents use Facebook? What mistake did my sister make? What’s the first step in beekeeping?

 

 Getting Mom on Facebook for Dummies [3:57m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (23)

Scott Green for Student Trustee: “You could do a lot worse.”

You can still join the Facebook group to show your support for me in my now-defunct movement to become your megalomaniacal representative to the Board of Trustees of the University of Illinois.

HELP SCOTT: Download and print these fliers and pamphlets and hand ‘em out to support the least objectionable candidate, Scott Green. You need Microsoft Word to view them.

Flier 1

Flier 2

Pamphlet 1

Pamphlet 2

Right, Smiling Bob?

I cannot stress enough the importance of being an active participant in University politics, so you should definitely vote in this semester’s campus elections, unless they already happened.

Apparently the elections are next Tuesday and Wednesday. So to honor our system of participatory democracy, I am announcing my write-in candidacy for Student Trustee in the spirit of the ages-old political saying, “You should always run for stuff where the winner gets to ride around in a University-sponsored limo.” This is an actual perk Trustees enjoy, although their main job is to attend Board of Trustees meetings and think snarky thoughts about the other trustees. (more…)

I’m a big Illini sports fan, and my passion has been rewarded this year by the Illini hockey team, ranked No. 1 in the American Collegiate Hockey Association polls and undefeated deep into the season at 32-0. It’s the most exciting thing to happen to University athletics since the football team went to the Rose Bowl in January and exerted some sort of effort.

The hockey team plays its final two home games of the season Friday and Saturday against Adrian College, both 7 p.m. faceoffs at the Ice Arena. Tickets are $5 for students and $7 for non-students, though if you mention this column, they will still make you pay full price. (more…)

After checking these out, don’t forget to join my Facebook group, “Scott Green: Write-In Candidate For Student Trustee.” You can also download fliers and pamphlets you can distribute right here, at ScottSays.com.

Remember: You could do a lot worse.

Part 1 (Announcing my candidacy, a campaign ad and a debate with Paul Schmitt):

Part 2 (The conclusion of the debate, an attack ad, and I meet the voters):

Part 3 (I meet some more voters, and make a startling announcement):

Why have I thrown my hat in the ring?  What principled stances have my opponents been unwilling to take?  Will there be groupies?

 

 Leadership you can trust, if you've been drinking [3:57m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (21)

Why has Illini hockey been so exciting this year? How come “holding” is a penalty? Where’s the best place to yell at Bryan?

 

 Illini hockey experience: Amusing and baffling for spectators [3:51m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (22)

He also built me a robot and is my new bicycle.