Scott Green

I think it’s wonderful the House has passed health care reform legislation.  Not on the merits of the bill.  It’s not like the thing will become an actual law during my lifetime.  What I’m excited about is that with all the yelling and name-calling and baseless accusations, congressmen in both houses haven’t had time to actually legislate, which means no official recognition of Oprah Winfrey’s birthday or $4.5 billion Roland Burris Institute For Political Ethics.

It takes forever for Congress to enact any kind of substantial change.  You can thank our founding fathers for this.  The system by which a bill becomes a law may seem silly and arbitrary, but bear in mind that the Constitution was written with great deliberation by learned men who thought it’d be hilarious to make the rules silly and arbitrary.

One major rule the senate has to deal with is the filibuster.  This is when members of the opposition party give long speeches to delay voting on legislation they don’t like.  Strom Thurmond famously filibustered for more than 24 hours against the Civil Rights Act of 1957 because he didn’t want it to overturn the Civil Rights Act of 1857 he’d authored.

Although health care will only require a simple majority to pass the senate, it takes a super majority of 3/5 to stop a filibuster.  The senate likes super majorities because they prevent the public from having any clue how things work.  It requires a 2/3 vote, for example, to change senate rules, and 4/5 to force someone to have lunch with Joe Lieberman.

But for health care, 3/5 should be reachable.  Say you’re a republican senator whose colleagues are filibustering.  Mitch McConnell reads a Tom Clancy novel.  John McCain personally recounts the Spanish-American war.  Mike Crapo says his own last name.  You couldn’t take it, and neither can real republicans, who are brought to tears by the sight of a Prius.

The important thing is, the process takes a lot of time.  And it doesn’t stop once the Senate passes the bill.  See, when legislation goes through both chambers, each one adds or subtracts different things from it.  Nancy Pelosi, for example, inserted a clause in the House health care bill officially renaming Harry Reid “Senator Doo-Doo Head.”   This means the Senate version will almost certainly have a “ ‘Fraid Not” clause.

So the legislation will proceed to a “joint committee,” which includes both senators and representatives and has to hammer out a compromise no matter how many fact-finding missions to Bali are required.  Eventually it’ll come up with a version of the bill that works for everybody (“ ‘Fraid So”), and finally health care will complete its journey through congress, much like a tin can completing its journey through a goat.

It’s a majestic process, but think of the payoff that follows the months of debate, voting, negotiating, posturing on cable news programs, whining, getting caught in various prostitution stings, etc.  One day the president will sit in front of TV cameras, pen in hand, to deliver a brief poetry-sounding statement that turns out not to mean anything.  Then, offering closure and signifying the majesty of our democratic process, he will scribble on the face of the bill:  “VETO.”

If you liked this column, you’ll also enjoy:

Obama babies:  fact or horrible fact?

A closed letter to Roland Burris

Helping Obama pass his agenda, that doobie