Bio
Scott Green received his undergraduate degree from the University of Illinois in 2006 in Political Science, which qualifies him to work as campaign physicist for any of the major Presidential contenders. (That was a joke, of course. His Political Science degree does not qualify him to work as a scientist for politicians. His political science degree does not qualify him to do anything.)
So he continued at the University as a law student, which is pretty much the same as being an undergraduate, except without as much sleeping, free time, dating, eating, or joy. His plan upon graduating in 2009 is to take a job with a law firm, so that his sense of humor might get sucked out as efficiently as possible. Of course, it is possible his column will make him unhireable, in which case he will have to find an excuse to become a grad student in some other area. This is not ideal, however, as he wishes to not have to grow a ponytail.
This is his second semester as a columnist for the Daily Illini. Last year he covered a wide variety of topics, from monkeys who throw poop to dogs who eat it. (“Poop is your gimmick,” his editor once told him, earnestly.) He describes his style of humor as “self-defecating” because the poop jokes write themselves. Prior to that, he wrote for Card Player Magazine, Illinois Alumni Magazine, Buzz, and the Buffalo Grove Countryside (along with the 49 other Pioneer Press newspapers in the Chicago suburbs). At Stevenson High School he founded “The Statesmean,” a satirical underground paper in the style of The Onion, for which local businesses purchased advertisements.
Scott’s muses include Dave Barry, “The Simpsons,” Mad Magazine, Erma Bombeck, The Onion, Al Franken, Rick Reilly, Roger Ebert, his parents, and his little sister, Amy. He is not yet on Wikipedia, nor has anyone created a Facebook group in his honor, though these are probably oversights. His birthday is September 28, 1983.