Posts Tagged Advertising
Rich like Mario
Posted by Scott Green in Humor Columns on January 5th, 2010
If I ever want to become stinking rich, I need to spend all my money. This is according to my radio, which implores me to buy as much gold as I can get my hands on. Via commercials from Goldline International, Inc.:
“GOLD! It’s the soundest investment you can make, moreso even than collector plates. But now a secret stash of GOLD COINS has been found. Our CEO purchased a couch at Ben Bernancke’s GARAGE SALE, and under the CUSHIONS were SEVERAL THOUSAND GOLD COINS. GRANTED, most were FILLED WITH CHOCOLATE to commemorate HANNUKAH, the Jewish FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS. GOLD COINS are the BEST investment you can make because they’re so SHINY. If it was good enough for PIRATES, it’s good enough for YOU! GOLD!” Read the rest of this entry »
Stop this commercial or innocent men will dye
Posted by Scott Green in Humor Columns on September 8th, 2009
The world would truly be a better place if we all joined hands and sang in harmony and shot whoever writes Just For Men’s TV commercials.
I’ve seen this one ad about a hundred times. It features two girls, maybe six and eight, who give their dad a box of Just For Men in the hopes he’ll begin dating again. It’s not clear what happened to their mother, though I assume she ran off with the guy from the Viagra spots.
The ad raises a number of interesting questions, such as: where does an eight-year-old get enough money for hair dye? Did she keep the receipt, in case she bought the wrong color? What did the checkout clerk think? Read the rest of this entry »
I don’t have the energy to write a headline
Posted by Scott Green in Humor Columns on July 8th, 2009
We have to stop this menace, and we have to stop it now. I’m talking about that new 5-Hour Energy commercial, the one featuring a shaggy-haired college kid in a sideways baseball cap who holds a skateboard while saying things like “tear it up” and “totally kickin’.”
Clearly the company doesn’t understand modern collegians. Where’s the kid’s Nirvana cassette tape or pog collection? But here we have a company that sells energy drinks, a product purchased by every college student I’ve ever known, that is completely out of touch with the market. Read the rest of this entry »
Finding an apartment in Chicago GREAT, RUSTIC fun
Posted by Scott Green in Humor Columns on April 2nd, 2009
I finally get why people become homeless. My search for a Chicago apartment has made a refrigerator box seem awfully inviting, provided it has central air and a view of the lake.
Finding a place in college was never this hard. When I was an undergrad I picked a real estate company, its sales staff showed me some properties, and I chose the one that smelled least like a train station restroom.
In Chicago this method doesn’t work, mostly because rent is so high I can’t afford the train station restroom itself. Instead I turned to Craigslist, the Web site that helps people find apartments and then stock them with prostitutes. Read the rest of this entry »
Facebook users: Uncle Scam wants YOU!
Posted by Scott Green in Humor Columns on February 5th, 2009
If you’re like me, you’re always looking for ways to improve yourself. “How can I make more money,” you might ask, or “How can I grow taller,” or “How can I get four neckties for $1?”
Yes, they’re all possible, thanks to companies placing ads on Facebook. And you know they’re solid offers because Facebook has an extensive screening policy for potential advertisers, which consists of:
1. Making sure they have valid credit card. Read the rest of this entry »
Morgan Freeman says to take a deep breath
Posted by Scott Green in Humor Columns on September 18th, 2008
Microsoft paid Jerry Seinfeld $10 million to fit Bill Gates for shoes in a TV commercial. I don’t see the logic behind this. I mean, if you were Microsoft, would you have Seinfeld fit your chairman for shoes? Or would you go the more reasonable route and use his voice for that animated paper clip? (“It looks like you’re writing a letter. What’s the deal with letters?”)
Microsoft’s ads, which the company has announced it will cancel, are the latest in a surge in pointless commercials. They’ll give you some mumbo-jumbo about trying to improve their image with the public, but come on. Bill Gates just wanted to hang out with Jerry Seinfeld. It may seem unfair that Bill Gates gets to spend company money to purchase Jerry Seinfeld whereas you would get questioned for a $15 business lunch, but in all fairness, Gates has to go through life with that haircut. Read the rest of this entry »
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