Posts Tagged Law

Learning, and other horrors of grad school

Posted by Scott Green in Humor Columns on April 28th, 2009

As a law student, undergrads are always asking me questions.  “Why do you think I care that you’re a law student?” is a typical one.

The truth is we graduate-level students have a lot of wisdom, as measured in ponytails.  And there’s nothing we know better than why you shouldn’t become a grad student yourself. Read the rest of this entry »

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Our newest justice, after these messages

Posted by Scott Green in Humor Columns on April 9th, 2009

justices-idol.jpgHere are two facts that seem, on their face, unrelated:

1. Speculation is ramping up about which Supreme Court justices might die or retire this year, and who could replace them.

2. “American Idol” is still the top rated show in America.

I think you see where I’m going with this: The justices should beat Simon Cowell to death with their gavels.

If that’s not practical, we could hold open auditions and let viewers at home decide who advances to the nation’s highest bench, under the theory we couldn’t do much worse than the Court’s current membership.

Justice mortality is a serious topic, one that would also make an excellent name for a Bond girl. Consider this recent quote from U.S. Senator Jim Bunning (R-You Kidding Me), who told reporters in February – I swear he really said this – that “Ruth Bader Ginsburg… has cancer… nine months is the longest anyone [with that kind of cancer] would live.” Read the rest of this entry »

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Lawyers have ethics? They bet they do

Posted by Scott Green in Humor Columns on March 12th, 2009

09-03-12-green-blago-satan-legal-ethics“Legal ethics” is not an oxymoron, and if anyone feels differently, I will file a frivolous lawsuit against you.

I learned about legal ethics to prepare for last Saturday’s Multistate Professional Responsibility Examination, a standardized test that most states require lawyers to pass.  I had to study hard, because most of the questions look like this:

Lawyer, a lawyer in State, a state, represents Client, his client.  While in court Lawyer distracts Judge, a judge, such that Judge turns and snags his robe on Doorknob, a doorknob, exposing Judge’s buttocks.  Client subsequently laughs so hard he dies of an aneurysm.  Is Lawyer subject to sanctions?

A. Yes, unless Client filled out Form 47F (Buttocks-Related Aneurysm Waiver).

B. Yes, but not if everyone stays cool and just keeps their mouths shut.

C. No, if it is the Feast of St. Stephen.

D. No, because the Buttocks-Related Aneurysm Waiver is actually Form 47G. Read the rest of this entry »

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