Posts Tagged The Economy
Michael Jordan will save our economy
Posted by Scott Green in Humor Columns on March 19th, 2009
I have a plan for fixing the economy that involves Michael Jordan, so Michael, please contact me at your earliest convenience.
The idea struck me a few weeks ago when I had dinner at a Chicago restaurant Jordan owns. I’d been stewing about a tiny piece of steak that cost approximately as much as the gross national product of Honduras when in he walked – my childhood sports hero; the greatest athlete of the 20th century; the man who inspired thousands of balding white guys to shave their heads. Read the rest of this entry »
A floating question mark about the economy
Posted by Scott Green in Humor Columns on September 25th, 2008
You may be worried about the economy, what with the bankruptcy last week of Lehman Brothers, the buyout of Merrill Lynch, the bailout of AIG by the federal government and the termination of McDonald’s $1 soft drink promotion. But there is absolutely nothing for the average American to worry about, provided he has diversified his assets and is a Canadian citizen.
“I know Americans are concerned about the adjustments that are taking place in our financial markets,” President Bush said last Monday, attempting to pacify the nation. Here is how you can tell he is lying through his teeth: There are 27 syllables in that sentence, and he did not botch a single one. Read the rest of this entry »
Morgan Freeman says to take a deep breath
Posted by Scott Green in Humor Columns on September 18th, 2008
Microsoft paid Jerry Seinfeld $10 million to fit Bill Gates for shoes in a TV commercial. I don’t see the logic behind this. I mean, if you were Microsoft, would you have Seinfeld fit your chairman for shoes? Or would you go the more reasonable route and use his voice for that animated paper clip? (“It looks like you’re writing a letter. What’s the deal with letters?”)
Microsoft’s ads, which the company has announced it will cancel, are the latest in a surge in pointless commercials. They’ll give you some mumbo-jumbo about trying to improve their image with the public, but come on. Bill Gates just wanted to hang out with Jerry Seinfeld. It may seem unfair that Bill Gates gets to spend company money to purchase Jerry Seinfeld whereas you would get questioned for a $15 business lunch, but in all fairness, Gates has to go through life with that haircut. Read the rest of this entry »
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